Knowing When to Give Yourself Grace and When to Embrace Discomfort

This is about nutrition and nourishment

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There’s a phase of almost palpable excitement when I first start working with a new client. They have an idealized vision of their future self after completing our work together: eating a “perfectly tailored” diet with a lab-informed supplement lineup that meets their specific needs, meal-prepping every week, declining any “inflammatory” foods offered to them, and never reverting to old habits again.

And then comes the actual doing of the thing.

Now, I’m not a nutrition purist, but I am realistic with clients (and myself) when we set out to get results (fixing digestion, lowering pain, increasing energy, supporting hormone health, etc.).

I don’t expect clients to eat perfectly, 100% of the time (eating “perfectly” isn’t even a worthy or feasible endeavor), but if I start noticing negotiations about a weekend, a meal, or even a bite: “Can I eat XYZ?” Or “Am I ruining everything if I eat X or drink Y?” I address these kinds of conversations early and directly, otherwise we’d fall into a never-ending cycle of permission-asking for every meal, snack, or sip.

My response to a client asking me whether they can eat a particular food or how badly an “off track” weekend will set back their progress is some version of: “I know this might sound strange, but you can always eat whatever you want. And while I 100% mean that, we also have to remember that you came to me with an expectation that I would help you resolve [X issue or symptom] by making nutrition a priority. So, of course, you can eat Y or drink Z whenever you want, but I don’t want you to be disappointed if you don’t achieve the results you came to me for, or if they take longer than you’d like them to.”

I want clients to know—not because I tell them or they read it on social media—that it’s not helpful, productive, or even kind, to beat themselves up about whatever they choose to eat.

AND

I also want them to know (and ideally embrace) that it takes consistently stringing together (many) small decisions to lead to the results they want.

More succinctly: you have complete autonomy over your eating decisions, and those decisions are sometimes counterproductive to your health goals.

Because there’s some discomfort (acute) in breaking old habits (e.g., choosing the salad instead of the pizza), and there’s discomfort (chronic) in remaining stuck in the pattern that led you here (i.e., chronic pain and inflammation).

So, how do you strike a balance between self-compassion and personal accountability? Ease and adherence?

In brief, I’m not entirely sure.

I wish I had a clear-cut solution that works a hundred out of a hundred times, but as with anything nutrition-related, there’s a huge amount of gray area.

One idea I recently offered a client was that if they tend to default to comfort food or a night out drinking with friends to cope with life stressors, then perhaps holding themself accountable is the best choice to make. Eating a home-prepared meal might be the best self-care.

On the other hand, if they tend to be rigid and never break from their routine or structure, then maybe they could let themself enjoy a night out with friends or eat something that might otherwise be considered “unhealthy.”

Either option can be deeply nourishing: one nourishes our cells, tissues, and body with essential nutrients. The other supports our ability to be flexible and embrace the unpredictability and lack of complete control we have in our lives. Neither choice is morally superior.

So, when you’re trying to figure out how to both care for yourself in the moment and the future, you might ask yourself:

• What other strategies could I use that don’t involve food? (think physical activities, creative outlets, social engagements, etc.)

• Can I give myself a break?

• How do I want to feel tomorrow?

• Are there ways I could cope with this stress without numbing out (avoiding hard feelings) with food? (think therapy, meditation, yoga, chatting with a friend, going for a walk, etc.)

• Can I let myself enjoy this fully? Without judgement or regret?

• Will this decision support the health goals I have set for myself in 3 months? In 1 year?

• Can I sit in this discomfort now?

• Can I experiment or practice this decision, knowing I can make a different decision later?

• What options do I have that can both serve my health and feel indulgent or fun? Here, I’m thinking about times when I’ll have a big, dense salad for dinner (not just lettuce and dressing) and have some ice cream for dessert. You can have a nourishing meal and eat something just for pure enjoyment.

I’d love to hear how you strike this balance for yourself when working toward your health goals.